Unlove You

I can ignore the times when people are rude, as long as they're nice too. But when they're hypocritical, that's a whole other thing.

Recently, I find myself isolating myself from everyone else. It's not that I feel lonely. I just feel like I need quiet. No more noise. No more forcing myself to speak or laugh. I just want quiet.

You are the biggest hypocrite I've ever known.

I wish you'd be more respectful.

Nobody deserves to be treated that way. Everyone deserves to smile. So don’t go around treating people like they’re inferior to you. Stop acting like you’re a better person than everyone else. Because you’re not. If anything, you’re worse. There’s a difference between being honest and open, and being just plain rude. You need to start being more considerate of other people’s feelings, and acknowledge the fact that you’re not always wrong. Sure, have an opinion about everything. But don’t go around telling the whole world like your opinion is the most important opinion ever. Because it isn’t. Nobody cares.

And your “opinions” aren’t even opinions to you. They’re facts. You are so narrow minded and stubborn, you see one thing, and that’s the only thing you see. You are so self absorbed and obsessed with attention. Do you honestly think nobody knows? You even lost your best friends. Including me.

And you’ve almost lost your other one, for the second time.

And you have no idea. Why? Because you’re inconsiderate, and too confident. You go around assuming everyone cares about what you think, and you don’t consider that maybe we don’t care, or even want you there.

The worst thing about it all is, you’re the biggest hypocrite I’ve ever known. You expect so many things from people, but you’re not even close to achieving any of your own expectations. You think you deserve all those things you’re expecting from other people, if you don’t even treat people with respect? Treat others like you want to be treated.

If you want to be treated like shit, then ok, go ahead and continue being rude to everyone. Let’s see how long it takes for you to realize you have no friends left.

You have disappointed me far beyond anyone else ever has.

I never expected much from people, because I feel that expecting things show what I think I deserve, and that’s really arrogant.

But I didn’t ask for much. I only hoped that you would stick with me, unlike all the others who moved on without me. I only hoped that we would be whatever we were forever, because nobody knew me the way you did. Nobody listened and understood me like you did. I never looked forward to talking to anyone that much, and I never trusted anyone with that much information about me as I did with you. But you were willing to throw that away.. for a relationship?

I thought that maybe I was better than your girlfriend. Because I can help you with difficult situations better. I was there for you through all of your struggles. And you trusted me most, always. I know the most about you, and I understand you best. I always listened to you. So I thought that maybe, just for once.. a good friendship wouldn’t be broken because of a stupid relationship.

I guess I was wrong. I guess it doesn’t matter how strong a friendship is. I guess the fact that we knew almost everything about each other doesn’t make a difference when it comes to relationships. I guess relationships will always rule friendships.. even the ones that feel too good to be true. Too good to be only a friendship.

You told me you knew how I felt. You understood me when I was upset that my other best friend chose her boyfriend over me and her other close friends. You said you knew what I meant, that you’ve been through it all, that it’s wrong of her to lose her friends for her boyfriend.

So why? Why did you make the same mistake?

I think I'm okay again. Because I've become too close to you to ever see you as more than a friend anymore.

It sucks having older friends. They're always busy. And it's so easy for them to forget you.

I feel lonely. Like I have no friends. But it's not that I don't have people who care about me. I do. I just don't have people who understand me.

I've been totally consumed by school work to notice all the changes that have been happening in my life.

And now, I don’t know if I’m just being paranoid, or if things have changed for real.

What if one day I disappeared? What if there was no proof or evidence that you had ever met me? What if you could never even be sure if I was just a dream you dreamt in the past?

It would be as if I never existed. And that’s how you made me feel. How can things have become so different? Us then, and us now.. there is no us now. It’s just you, and then me. I can’t be sure that we were ever real, that you had ever existed. I can’t be sure if it was just a figment of my imagination.. it’s so hard to believe that things were so good back then.